Until a certified life coach told me I had the tendency to judge people, I was blind to that specific behaviour of mine. To claim that I was ignorant would be false because I knew I had at least a little, if not some, level of awareness. But I had always chosen to turn a blind eye on that nasty behaviour because it was the easy thing to do.
When we judge other people, we waste time and energy that could be put to doing something productive instead. Our energy gets depleted. We suddenly feel tired and weak.
When we judge other people, we relinquish power to them. They get our attention. They get under our skin. They take away our energy. They stain our mind with negative thoughts. They win. We lose. Simple as that.
When we judge other people, we put a wall between them and ourselves, an invisible barrier unseen but felt by both party. The chance of forming a connection to them is lost.
When we judge other people, we also judge ourselves. What we put out in the world comes from inside us. When we choose to emphasize the flaws of another human being, there's a flaw in us that needs addressing yet remains neglected. No confident person judges another for true confidence comes from within.
The act of judging other people is rooted on fear, ignorance, and intolerance.
If you want to turn your life around, from lethargy to vitality, from ignorance to knowledge, from fear to courage, and from intolerance to openness, you need to stop judging other people.
If you want to put your hands on your dreams, you must definitely stop judging other people.
Energy, power, connection with others, and self-love are all vital things to turn your life around and to achieve your dreams. When you judge other people, you diminish or deny the existence of any of those thing. You become your own saboteur.
Now, how can you stop from judging other people? Here are eight beliefs you need to plant into your mind to put an end to that nasty habit once and for all.
GIVE SOMETHING OF VALUE TO THEM INSTEAD
One of the best things you can do in life is giving. It is an act of love, of letting go, and of confidence. When you give, you give more than just a material object. You also give a piece of yourself and with that comes trust, love, and caring.
Last year, I started conducting an experiment on myself. Every week or two I would do a random act of kindness. Once, I treated a friend to a surprise lunch. Another time, I gave some acquaintances Christmas goodies. Another time, I treated someone else to his favorite coffee. And another time, I gave another acquaintance a leg up on a new skill. I decided to give even to people I hardly knew then because I wanted to share something to them. By doing it, I also instilled in me the act of giving and helped fight the mentality of lack and selfishness. Giving to others also gave something to me.
RECEIVE SOMETHING FROM THEM TOO
Not everyone is selfish as much as the world wants us to believe. Not everyone is operating on a scarcity mindset, hoarding things to themselves and would only trade something for something else. Some people are generous and selfless. When we give something to others we receive back in form or another. Whether that be friendship, compassion, love, money, support, or any material object - that thing they give is also a symbol of love and trust.
Not everyone is only out for themselves. You'll be surprised with how many people out there are opposite of that.
THEY CAN TEACH YOU A THING OR TWO
When we judge other people, we think they are beneath us, that we're superior to them. That's ignorant.
If we believe that each person has something new to teach us, possesses skills we do not have, has knowledge we do not know yet, and has lived unique experiences we can learn something from, then we cease to judge them. We no longer look at them as someone beneath us and instead as our equal. Like us, they too have value. They too can contribute something to the world. Whether it's through the lessons they have learned or the mistakes they have made, we can always learn something from them.
THEY MAY WANT TO CONNECT WITH YOU
What if, because you don't know yet, because you can't read their mind, that the person you are about to judge wants to connect with you? Be friends with you? Get to know you? Learn something from you? Isn't that a beautiful thing?
But you go on judging anyway, putting an invisible barrier between the two of you, destroying any chance of building a bridge that will link you together. Isn't that a tragic thing? What's sadder than a friendship that ended is a friendship that never started at all. For every person you judge, you miss out on a would-be friend, would-be business partner, would-be mentor, or worse a would-be romantic partner. If only you weren't so quick to judge...
WHAT OTHERS SAY AND DO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
One time a guy who hardly knew me, rarely talked to me, openly mocked my introvert ways to my face. That annoyed the crap out of me. For the next two days the following thoughts kept running in my head. Who did he think he was to talk to me like that? Who did he think he was to pass judgment on me? Who did he think he was to make assumptions about me? In my mind I called him an arrogant know-it-all. But the good thing though was that during that time, I had started incorporating an important belief in my life already - what people say and do to us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Remember that adage "Hurt people hurt people." That's true.
Instead of staying mad at what he said about me, I decided to look at what happened through his eyes. Maybe he didn't just understand introvert people. Maybe he wanted to connect with me but didn't know how to do it nicely. Maybe something was bothering him at that time and he decided to take out his frustrations at me. The next time we met, I showed him no hostility. We're friends now. The previous thought was applicable to that specific situation.
REMEMBER THAT NO ONE IS PERFECT
We are all work-in-progress. That's the truth. But there are two sides to it. First is the section of those work-in-progress people who are aware of that and strive to keep on improving and growing. The other side is the section of also work-in-progress people who instead of improving themselves they use that "work-in-progress" as an excuse to justify their terrible behaviours.
Classify people in the first section first. Show patience. Be kind. Know that we are all work-in-progress doing our best with what we have and always heading towards the betterment of our lives and ourselves. What if the situation is reserved? Will you think it is fair for someone to judge you when you are a "work-in-progress" person too? Let him be the perfect one to cast the stone first.
Always put people in the first side of the "work-in-progress" idea. If they prove that they belong in the second instead of the first, well that's another discussion for another day.
YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH THEM
A bond is formed between two people when they have something in common. Instead of looking at other people as always different from us, look at having at least one thing in common with every person. Something in them is the same with us. Are you willing to judge them including that part which is a reflection of a part of you as well?
When you look at having similarities with other people, you open a window that invites a connection to be formed between the two of you. You acknowledge that part of them which is the same part of you. You free your mind from ignorance and intolerance as well.
LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING
"Don't judge a book by its cover." Us human beings are books too. Some of us have blank covers but wonderful words and passages in our pages. Others have enticing and eye-catching covers instead.
People may surprise you once you get to know them deeper. Some people share themselves to others only gradually. Not every one is an open book. Most of us have different layers and facets to our personalities and characters. Who knows? Maybe the person you are about to judge is the person you need in your life after all. And only until after you get to know them will you find out.
In a situation where you find yourself drawn to judging another person, remember those eight beliefs as well as these thoughts below.
When you judge someone, you waste time and energy that could be put to doing something productive instead.
When you judge someone, you relinquish power to them.
When you judge someone, you put a wall between yourself and that person.
When you judge someone, you judge yourself.
When you judge yourself, you become your own saboteur.
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