Xeno Hemlock


Are You an Apologetic Bitch? (3 Aspects of Your Life You Need to Stop Apologizing For)

Are you an apologetic bitch?

Do you find yourself feeling worried when someone's about to force you to do something you don't want to? Do you find yourself scared of saying "no"? Do you find yourself guilty of explaining and justifying your actions to others? If you said yes to all these questions, then you are (gasp!) an apologetic bitch.

I knew exactly what it felt like to be that bitch. I was in my mid-20s. I knew how to be the life of a party, the one that would hug a toilet bowl to puke his guts out in the end. But I am an introvert. It was tiring to do that every night. I could be an energetic and a good social animal for a few days but my batteries would run out sooner and I would yearn for the zen life next. Some days I loved the company of my friends. Some days I wanted to smash empty liquor bottles on their faces (of course I'm exaggerating). I wanted time to be away from them like an independent bird that just realised he's dating a needy and desperate lover. Because I was an apologetic bitch, that caused me so much stress.

I made up stories on why I couldn't make it to the next party instead of just stating the truth. I worried about the looming decision I had to make for an entire day or more. I felt guilt for saying "no" and thought myself a bad person. I was the introvert who knew he was an introvert but couldn't feel secure in his introversion. Gasp! Yes, that sucked.

And here's the bomb. We can't live our lives as apologetic bitches.

We can't be happy or achieve our goals or fulfil our dreams if we keep apologising for things we shouldn't be apologising for. Even if we don't outright say "I'm sorry", we're still apologetic bitches if we feel bad for our decisions and guilty for our existence.

The completion of my self-published book Walden and Hyde (and Other Short Stories) taught me the importance of not being an apologetic bitch. In order to achieve that, I did a 180. I stopped doing things that didn't bring me closer to finishing the book and opted for the activities that would take me there. Scanning the final version of the e-book on my iPad, I thought, "This is what being an UNAPOLOGETIC bitch gets you."

From that point onwards, I made a vow to never be an apologetic bitch again. My novel I Killed My Friends and It Thrilled Me is waiting for me down the road but I will never get there if I keep being one.

What aspects of our lives do we need to stop apologising for?



Each of us has 24 hours per day, no more and no less. How you use those hours determines what you achieve in life. Who owns your hours? Is it you or other people? Do you plan on working on a personal project of yours on your afterwork hours but choose to hang out with your friends to gossip in the last minute instead?

People who make things happen don't let their precious time go to waste. Athletes train while everybody is sitting on the couch. Writers write while everyone goes on vacation. @@Entrepreneurs work late night hours while wantpreneurs post Instagram pictures.@@

If you want to achieve your goals and dreams, then spend your time on activities that will get you closer to your objective. Screw what others say about it. Avoid anybody who disrespects it. @@You don't need to apologise for how you use your time.@@



You may be aware or not but the people you keep in your life have a direct influence in your mindset. You are the average of the five people you hang out with. Are you surrounded by people who always play it safe and are afraid to take risks and pursue their passion in life? Or are you surrounded by people who are keen to learning, growing, and achieving their full potential? What if you are the former but you want to grow beyond that circle?

Of course you can and you don't have to be afraid of doing so! There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and acting to improve one's state in life, and that includes the circle of people you belong in. 

During those years I felt afraid of pursuing my writing dream, I was surrounded by apathetic people, who preferred going with the flow, squatting inside their comfort zones, and choosing fear in many aspects of life. A few years later, I met people from different parts of the world who are unlike them, people who take life by the horns, seek adventures, and choose action in spite of their fears. 

Guess what I learned after that? I don't want to come back to my old circle. Moving on from negative people to positive people is a breath of fresh air. Positivity brings you energy. It helps you accomplish things which negativity does not. The realisation that we don't have to be stuck with the same shitty people throughout life is liberating.

The people you'll leave behind will get angry at you. The people who don't like your new company will get upset too. @@But you don't have to apologise for the company of people you want to keep.@@



Some people have careers pre-chosen for them by their family or by society. It takes some kind of beautiful awakening for them to realise that they've been chasing the wrong pot of gold. It also takes some kind of heartbreaking gloom for them to keep pursuing the fraudful chase, if only they mustered the courage to give up the wrong for the right.

What is your chosen path of mastery? Do you want to start a business? Do you want to be a best-selling author? Do you want to form a band and sell out Wembley Stadium? Or do you want to sell vegetable-flavoured ice cream in Hawaii while donning a pair of bright, ice-cream-printed pants? 

Whatever you choose, make sure you choose it for you. We don't need anymore people heeding other's suggestions on how they should live their lives. @@We need confident and courageous people lighting their path of mastery one bulb at a time@@, because you know, confidence and courage are contagious. 

Do you want to wake up in your deathbed one day and be filled with regret that you didn't choose the kind of life you wanted? Of course not. Pick the direction you want to go to and @@never apologise for your chosen path of mastery.@@


It's time you take full ownership of your life and make no apologies about it. You owe nobody an explanation. Shine with confidence. Only insecure people hate on those who do not gift them with apologies and explanations for their life choices. Fellow confident people know what true confidence looks like and expects no explanation for it.

Are you still an apologetic bitch? No. 

Are you an unapologetic bitch? From here on out, yes.

Any thoughts? Leave your comments below.

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