Chapter 24: Breasts, Pubic Hair, Chains, Dog, and the Lack of Underwear

Chapter 24: Breasts, Pubic Hair, Chains, Dog, and the Lack of Underwear

Fragments of some of our life’s firsts remain in our memory, like a pesky piece of gum on a shoe, like a C-section scar on a tummy. My first crush. My first wank. My first kiss. My first porno. My first fuck. My first kill.

Her name was Nadya, and she was cute. I’d stare at her four rows away every day in grade school. Her blond pigtails and big blue eyes brought me some sweet satisfaction I didn’t know how to describe. She paid me no mind because I was an ugly boy. My nose was too big for my face and my teeth were crooked like a broken fence. Her family left Verona after grade school. I never saw her again but didn’t dare to forget her. I dreamt she’d be my wife and we’d have lots of babies. Silly me.

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Chapter 7: Unabashed Bromment

Chapter 7: Unabashed Bromment

I wouldn’t recommend treating your friends as love gurus, but I didn’t have a choice so I went against my own advice.

Guru #1 was Madeleine. She joined me at my desk in the office the following day with tears dripping from her eyes.

“He stopped returning my calls and my text messages.” She dragged the chair from the nearby unoccupied desk to my space and sat on it.

I recalled all the names of the men Madeleine had spoken about in the last four months. “Tracy, right?” I asked, booting up my computer. I had just arrived at the office.

“Tracey with an ‘e.’” She dabbed the side of her eyes with a tissue. “He has a feminine name.”

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Chapter 5: Myrna's Garden

I could list a few people who I believed could outrun Gina any day: stick-thin Amy who I had never seen leave the reception area, Madeleine in a pair of six-inch stilettos and even Leopold who never went beyond a jog when using a treadmill. But that assumption didn’t deter me from my mission. After fifteen minutes of brisk walking, I pressed the most important button on the treadmill Gina was using. I pressed it five times.

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