I Killed 78 Minor Characters and It Relieved Me

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You might (or might not) have noticed my absence from blogging in the past month. That's because I dove Pacific Ocean-deep into working on the draft of my novel I Killed My Friends and It Thrilled Me, which I just finished yesterday. 

Earlier this year, I worked with an editor who reviewed an earlier draft of the story to find plot holes, spot character inconsistencies, and discover possible causes of literature anomalies. With her very valuable feedback in my hands, I went into an excruciating yet essential labor to further strengthen the story. Swimming to the deeper part of the ocean brought some plot changes (which thrilled me) and unfortunate casualties.

Here I want to commemorate the 78 minor characters who didn't make it past the last draft. Some were there from the very beginning, others were late addition. Essentialism is not only beneficial to our personal affairs, it's also significant in writing a tight story. The absence of minor characters makes a story incomplete yet the overabundance of them makes it a clusterfuck.

My dear babies/bitches, so long! Maybe someday we'll meet in another story again. It was great meeting y'all.

Rest in Literary Peace

  1. Tracy - personal trainer
  2. Elaine - personal trainer
  3. Danielle - magazine editor
  4. Anastasia - misunderstood lady who Herbert dated
  5. Douglas - the dog
  6. Melissa - Sarah Montgomery's cousin
  7. female lover wearing a tutu
  8. male lover wearing a pirate costume
  9. bus driver #1
  10. fat lady in the bus
  11. man wearing old shirt in the bus
  12. Michelle Adkins - shy building receptionist
  13. Violet - receptionist
  14. Vivica Wolf - Human Resource Manager
  15. Charlie Polanski aka Chewbacca Charlie - Herbert and Wilma's former co-worker
  16. Locker room guy #1 - unlucky guy forced to have sex with Leopold
  17. Locker room guy #2 - another unlucky guy forced to have sex with Leopold
  18. wig-wearing gentleman in the bus
  19. man who stepped on the fallen wig while looking for a seat in the bus
  20. cheating man/scum
  21. girl who slapped the cheating man/scum
  22. cheering teenager in the bus #1
  23. cheering teenager in the bus #2
  24. bus driver #2
  25. robber with a knife in the bus
  26. robbed girl in the bus #1
  27. robbed girl in the bus #2
  28. man wearing colorful clothes
  29. woman wearing colorful clothes
  30. blonde female adult who wants to twerk like Miley Cyrus
  31. brunette female adult who wants to twerk like Miley Cyrus
  32. redhead female adult who wants to twerk like Miley Cyrus
  33. guy wearing purple plaid pants with suspenders
  34. guy wearing a hotdog sandwich costume
  35. guy wearing a helmet-less Darth Vader costume
  36. guy in a Noir-inspired suit
  37. elderly lady who loves wine
  38. fat girl who was fed popcorn as a toddler
  39. dark-skinned guy who's curious about the fat girl
  40. boy with thick eyeglasses who played chess with the hotdog sandwich guy
  41. Pierce Brosnan/James Bond look-alike
  42. guy in Team Rocket James costume
  43. girl in Team Rocket Jessie costume
  44. persian cat
  45. ballet girl #1
  46. ballet girl #2
  47. Tommy Pickles look-alike
  48. Chuckie Finster look-alike
  49. Phil DeVille look-alike
  50. Lil DeVille look-alike
  51. Angelica Pickles look-alike
  52. Susie Carmichael look-alike
  53. Dil Pickles look-alike
  54. Kimi Finster look-alike
  55. boy in neon-coloured onesie #1
  56. boy in neon-coloured onesie #2
  57. boy in neon-coloured onesie #3
  58. Miley Cyrus or a look-alike?
  59. Nick - Herbert's neighbor
  60. John - Herbert's neighbor
  61. Jane - Herbert's neighbor
  62. Chad Warren - Herbert and friends' classmate
  63. Mr. Polonsky - high school teacher
  64. kid on the beach #1
  65. kid on the beach #2
  66. Emily - Francis and Herbert's beach lover
  67. Lily - Francis and Herbert's beach lover
  68. Dex - Herbert's co-worker
  69. Victoria - waitress
  70. Sylvia - swinger
  71. Santiago - swinger
  72. Mrs. Harper - Paula's mother
  73. Mr. Harper - Paula's father
  74. Oscar the mountain climber - Herbert and Wilma's former co-worker
  75. Ronald the ice cream aficionado - Herbert and Wilma's former co-worker
  76. Zoe the audiophile - Herbert and Wilma's former co-worker
  77. Dann - farm owner
  78. Rosetta - Dann's secretary

Notes:

  1. Herbert, Francis, Wilma, Sarah, and Paula will all appear in the upcoming novel I Killed My Friends and It Thrilled Me.
  2. Herbert, Francis, Wilma, Sarah, and Paula appeared in the collection Walden and Hyde (and Other Short Stories).